


The truth is revealed..or is it?

by falsepremise



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6296491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsepremise/pseuds/falsepremise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vince drinks a truth potion and reveals his true feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Vince darted about the flat in a state of rising panic, “Naboo, Bollo, have you seen my hair straighteners? I’ve put them somewhere and I can’t find them…”Initially Naboo and Bollo both paid Vince no attention because they were both too busy getting high.

“Naboo,” Vince said again getting right in Naboo’s face and pulling at his own hair, “my hair is going fizzy already- you can’t leave me in this state- please help me”

Naboo drew deeply from his pipe, looked up at Vince’s fizzy hair with stoned eyes and nodded mystically, “There may be a way…I’ve been wanting to try out a new truth potion”

Vince sighed, annoyed, “How will that help? I’m not lying about where the hair straighteners are”

Naboo shrugged and answered, “This is no ordinary truth potion. With this potion you tell truths that you’ve hidden even from yourself. If you know where your hair straighteners are, on any level, you’ll tell me”

Vince grinned widely, liking the plan, “Sounds genius”

“Only thing is,” Naboo clarified, “you won’t remember it yourself after the potion wears off so I’ll need to tell you”

Vince shrugged and continued to grin, “fine”

Bollo shook his head and mumbled, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”

Naboo ignored him. He’d learnt long ago not to take Bollo’s bad feelings too seriously, “Bollo, get me that potion we made yesterday will you?”

Bollo stomped off to Naboo’s bedroom and quickly retuned with a glass bottle filled with a bubbly pink potion.

Naboo checked that the bottle was the correct potion and pulled the stopper out, “Now it doesn’t last long…not long at all. Just enough time to answer a question or two. It was one minute wasn’t it Bollo?”

Bollo nodded “one minute”

Naboo handed the potion over to Vince who grinned widely and downed the potion in one go. Instantly, Vince’s eyes became glassy and his jaw slack.

“Vince, where did you put your hair straighteners?” Naboo asked.

“They are behind the counter at Nabootique” Vince replied in a monotone.

Naboo sighed, “All this fuss and you didn’t even look in the shop?”

“No”

Naboo shook his head, “Well, why not you ball-bag?”

“Well I’m not really that bright, am I?” Vince replied.

Suddenly Howard came bursting into the room from the shop downstairs looking absolutely furious, “Where are you Vince you little shitbox?”

“Right here, Howard”, Vince replied, still looking glassy eyed and speaking with a slight monotone.

Howard directed his tiny-eyed gaze right at Vince – coming at him like a beam of anger, “Where is my jazz collection? What have you done with my records, you little bitch?”

Vince met Howard’s death stare and gave him a characteristic cheeky grin. He giggled slightly as he answered, “Gave them to Leroy...”

“You gave them to Leroy? What’s Leroy want with them? He hates jazz.” Howard exploded.

Vince giggled harder, “I dunno. Didn’t ask. He said he wanted them so I gave them to him.”

Naboo glanced up at the clock. It’d been nearly one minute now. The giggling must be a sign that the effects of the truth potion were wearing off.

Howard looked like he was trying to decide between punching Vince in the face or giving himself a chinese burn, “My whole jazz collection…great…just great…some friend you are Vince. You are meant to be my best mate. Why are you always doing things like this to me?”

Vince stopped giggling. By now his eyes had lost the glassy vacant stare but his face had turned deadly serious at Howard’s question, “Because I’m secretly in love with you.”

“Well that’s not good enough little man,” Howard continued to yell, “you can’t go around treating your friend like that just because you’re secretly in love with…wait…” Howard’s thoughts seemed to stop dead in their tracks, “what? What did you say?”

Naboo glanced back up at the clock. It was well over a minute now. He swallowed back his own laughter. Vince was certainly quick at seeing an opportunity to put one over Howard. It one of Vince’s best features, really.

Vince replied still with a deadly serious expression, “I’ve been secretly in love with you for years…I can’t even admit it to myself…”

Howard continued to stare at Vince with his mouth hanging open… “I, er…what? Er..” Finally he glanced over to Naboo as if looking for some kind of explanation.  
Naboo smiled patiently, “truth potion”

“T..T…Truth potion?” Howard stammered “you mean this is true?”

Naboo didn’t answer, he just glanced back to Vince. Howard followed his gaze and began to stare at Vince again- his busy face, his wide blue eyes, his perfect mane of hair- Howard felt his knees buckle slightly, “Vince, I…er…I don’t know what to say…I never expected…I never thought I’d hear you say….but, I guess…I think you know that I’ll..well, what I mean is…wow you say you are in love with me and I…”

The serious expression on Vince’s face was suddenly gone again and Vince was laughing furiously, “What’s this? Naboo? You think I’d fall for this? I know you said I wouldn’t remember anything but jeez as if I’d fall for that…where’s the hair straighteners?

“Behind the counter at Nabootique,” Naboo replied.

“Cheers,” Vince said as he walked down to the shop, “I’d better go get them before I start to look like you, Howard.”

Howard was left standing perfectly still and staring at the space where Vince had just been, confessing his love. Eventually he managed to blurt out, “What happened?”

“A joke, Howard….” Naboo replied to Howard’s question, “The truth potion had already worn off. Only lasts a minute” 

“Ah” nodded Howard, “I see…a joke…I think I’ll…um…maybe I’ll see Leroy…get the jazz back and er…” Howard stumbled out of the house, still looking shocked.

Naboo sucked deeply on his pipe and turned to Bollo “That worked really well. Get me my notes, would you Bollo?” As Bollo fetched his book of shaman secrets Naboo kept talking about it, “would have lots of uses that truth potion. The giggling seems to be a sign that the potion is wearing off…I wonder if that happens with everyone? Oh, thanks Bollo…now truth potion…which one did we make? Oh here it is…no it says here the giggling is a sign that the potion is fully activated…but that doesn’t make any sense…”

Bollo shook his head and mumbled, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”

Naboo continued to scan the pages of notes trying to make sense of the differences between his notes and his experimentation with Vince. Finally, he scanned the ingredients for the potion, “Bollo- you did remember that we’d doubled the batch and you needed to pour the potion into two bottles?”

Bollo looked nervous, “Um…two bottles?”

Naboo sighed in frustration, “Bollo you ball-bag you put it all in one bottle didn’t you? You’ve just given poor Vince a double dose then. You’d better hope that’s not toxic.” 

Naboo continued reading to figure out the effects of a double dose, “You’re in luck it isn’t toxic it just doubles the time it is active for so…” Naboo froze, “so…the potion was active for two minutes…”

Bollo was oblivious to the conclusions that Naboo had just reached, “So it wasn’t toxic that’s good isn’t it? Why you looking shocked?”

Naboo shook his head, “Nothing…just…Vince is an idiot”


	2. Chapter 2

Vince’s little secret was grating on Naboo’s nerves. When Naboo had first found out he was mostly worried about Vince- he was a great shop-keeper- charming, charismatic, big eyes drawing people in. It was obvious to all who knew Vince that his biggest drawback was his friendship with Howard. Now it seemed the idiot actually loved Howard. At first Naboo was glad that Vince had buried that knowledge deep within himself. If he actually realised that he loved Howard, if they became a couple… Well, poor Vince would be destroyed by having Howard on his arm. Naboo might lose a great shopkeeper. 

But now that Naboo had had a week to digest the information and to observe Vince and Howard interact… well now it was grating on his nerves in another way. He just wanted to shout out, “you are in love you stupid ball bags!” 

It was all so obvious that Naboo wondered how he could have never seen it before. Now as he watched Vince and Howard interact he found it was obvious in every moment that they were in love…all the little shared jokes and shared memories…the way they were always bickering like schoolboys with a crush…or the big giveaway- the fact that most customers seemed to assume that Vince was Howard’s wife, not just a lady but Howard’s wife. Where would the customers get such an idea? From the fact that Vince acts just like Howard’s wife!

“Naboo! Naboo! Naboo!” Vince’s voice finally cut through Naboo’s thoughts, “Could you stop staring at us. We’re trying to run your shop here and you keep coming down here and just staring at us. That’s well creepy.”

“You might want to go a little easy on the drugs, hey?” Howard suggested, “Take a leaf out of my book…clean living…I’m aware of my surroundings aren’t I? Always have my eye on the periphery…never spaced out…that’s my style…they call me Mr Aware the…”

Naboo laughed loudly and cut Howard off , “Howard, you can’t even see is right in front of you…you’ve won the lottery and you don’t even know it you ball-bag. I’m out of here.”

As Naboo crept upstairs Vince shot a knowing look at Howard- they’d been speculating all week about the reasons behind Naboo’s recent strange behaviour including his new habit of staring at them, “I told you, he’s gone wrong…”

Later that night Naboo was smoking with Bollo and trying to relax but even the weed wasn’t helping. Naboo felt agitated. He wasn’t used to feeling agitated.   
“What’s wrong?” Bollo asked.

Naboo sighed, “I just can’t stop thinking about those idiots…”

Bollo screwed his gorilla face up in confusion, “What idiots?”

Naboo ignored Bollo’s question and seemed to come to a decision, “Right, well, I’m just going to have to fix it, aren’t I? I’m going to talk to Vince, Bollo”

Bollo watched Naboo leave, heading for Vince’s door, still not understanding but nevertheless not liking the situation, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” he muttered to noone in particular.

Naboo knocked on Vince’s door. He found Vince sitting in front of his mirror playing with his hair. “Alright, Naboo…” Vince said barely glancing away from the mirror, “What’s up?”

Naboo stepped into the room and closed the door. He still wasn’t entirely sure how to raise the subject. He decided to start with, “Vince, have you ever been in love?”

Vince stopped playing with his hair and turned to Naboo, “Are you coming on to me?”

Naboo sighed, “Not me you ball-bag. Look- just answer the question. Have you ever been in love?”

Vince shrugged, “Sure I’ve loved loads of girls…”

Naboo shook his head, “I’m not asking about your sexual exploits, Vince, I mean love…”

Vince looked confused, “What do you mean?”

Naboo decided he needed some brutal honesty, “Vince- when you were under the truth potion you said you loved Howard…you said you were secretly in love with him and that you couldn’t even admit it to yourself…”

“What?!” for a moment Vince looked genuinely flustered but he recovered in the next moment and turned back to the mirror, “Oh I get it. You and Howard are both in on the joke. I didn’t fall for it then and I’m not falling for it now. Maybe a loose perm would look good…”

Naboo sighed, “You have to listen to me. I think maybe you are confused about what love is. How can I explain it?”

Vince shrugged still looking at his reflection, “Just put it in fashion terms then I’ll get less confused”

“Ok” Naboo answered, “Well, when you say you’ve loved loads of girls that’s like how you feel find you find a new look…you’re elated, excited…its the thrill of the hunt and then you’ve got it - you’ve put together something new and trendy…and it’s yours”

Vince nodded still focussing more on his reflection than what Naboo was saying, “Yeah, yeah love’s just like that. So what?”

Naboo continued, “No- that’s not love. That’s infatuation.” 

Vince turned to face Naboo suddenly interested, “That isn’t love?”

Naboo shook his head, “No- love’s like how you feel about your hair straighteners. Remember when you thought you’d lost them? You were completely panicked. I bet you can’t imagine life without them…or without Howard…”

A look of complete realization passed across Vince’s face he started mumbling to himself, “yeah…I think I know what you mean…I couldn’t imagine life without Howard…it is like we’ve always been together, we’re like ying and yang…just like the hair straighteners…”

Naboo nodded, “Yes- you love him”

Vince smiled and his big blue eyes lit up with the possibility of it, “Maybe I do. That time when we kissed was so…” 

“Wait,” Naboo cut him off, “You two ballbags have kissed?”

Vince was instantly jolted back out of his new realization, “Shh…alright. It was just a kiss.”

Naboo continued angrily, “You mean I’m sitting here all agitated by watching you two idiots stumble about not even realising the blindingly obvious fact that you are in love and you ballbags have actually kissed? Don’t you think a kiss is a bit of a giveaway?”

“No- it wasn’t like that,” Vince replied quickly backtracking, “It was just a kiss. The head shamen was going to kill me. It was no big deal. I mean, he’s my best mate.”

“No big deal? You snog your best friend and it is no big deal?”

“You know,” Vince replied decisively, “I’ve had enough of this joke Naboo. I don’t want to hear it again. Sort yourself out because this is well creepy. Now leave my room.”

Naboo sighed and walked towards the door pausing for a moment before he left, “Just think about it, Vince”

Vince shrugged and turned back to the mirror, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hmm… I think a loose perm would look good”


	3. Chapter 3

Vince did think about it…Vince tried very hard not to but he couldn’t help but think about it. Naboo had completely ruined his mirror time. He couldn’t concentrate on his hair anymore…He felt all churned up inside. Vince sighed and decided to get an early night. He’d always had the ability to easily fall to sleep no matter what the circumstances and after a good night’s sleep he’d be back to feeling like his old self. 

It didn’t work out like that though. Sure, he fell asleep easily enough. Sure he slept through the night as he always did but we woke the next morning murmuring, “Howard…” Hearing his own voice he was startled awake, the remnants of a dream still clouding his mind. 

In the dream they’d been back on the rooftop again, they’d kissed again. The kiss had been good- really good. Had it been that good in real life? Vince licked his lips. His heart was still racing from the dream. He tried to clear his mind of the dream kiss and remember the real one. Had his heart raced then? Well, yes it had. But then, he’d been a bit distracted by the big sword. A terrifying though entered Vince’s mind…what if, what if, the real kiss had been just as thrilling as the dream kiss because he’d kissed Howard and he’d just thought his excitement was about narrowly escaping death?

Vince began to shake slightly. “This is ridiculous” he said aloud to himself. “Ridiculous,” he repeated, “You’ve gone wrong in your mind tank”. He wasn’t sure what was so ridiculous about it but he just knew it wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right.

Vince took double the usual time to get ready, mostly because now his own hair straighteners spooked him. “I’m going to kill Naboo,” he muttered to himself.

He was late for work, again. “Well,” Howard asked, “What’s the excuse this time?”

Vince was trying so desperately to remain calm and normal around Howard that he accidentally told the truth, “I had a weird dream. It spooked me”

Howard frowned, obviously disappointed, “That isn’t that funny, Vince. It might even be true.”

Vince thought quickly, “But, I didn’t tell you what was weird about the dream…it was weird because…because…in the dream I was talking to a giant wasp and the weird bit was when I woke up the wasp was still there. It took me ages to get it out the window.”

Howard frowned again, “Better but not up to your usual standard.”

Vince sat down and opened his latest copy of Cheekbone magazine. He needed to distract himself. He didn’t really want to be looking at Howard right now. He needed to calm down and think about something else. Unfortunately Howard was in the mood to talk and soon their usual banter began. Vince was surprised that this actually calmed him. He enjoyed their banter- it was always so free and easy with Howard. He loved the slightly barbed comments, the little knowing smiles, the constant teasing of each other. It was reassuring. But it did remind him of something else… what did it remind him of? Flirting…it was a type of flirting, wasn’t it? Vince’s mind wandered away from his conversation with Howard and he stared out of the window shocked at his own realisation. 

“Ah, Vince? Vince?” Howard’s voice brought him back, “You’ve stopped listening to me again haven’t you?”

Vince tried to shake off his thoughts and keep acting as Howard expected, “Well you’re so boring Howard. I’m sick of hearing about stationary village.”

Howard tutted, “I wasn’t talking about stationary village.”

“You weren’t?” Vince replied thinking that he must have been staring out the window for longer than he’d originally thought, “Well, I’m listening now”, Vince turned to give Howard his full attention.

Howard began again, “The thing about skat singing is Vince, and not many people realize this about skat but the thing is that the…” 

But by the time Howard had started making his point Vince had tuned out again and this time not just because he was bored with listening about skat….he was noticing, really noticing just how attractive Howard was. Vince had seen Howard every day for well, forever. Had he stopped really seeing him somehow? Vince really saw Howard now and he was gorgeous. God, the man was right, his legs were willowy and sleek and there was something about his beady eyes that made Vince’s stomach do little somersaults… Of course Howard did his best to hide his own attractiveness in terrible clothes…but still…the clothes could come off…Vince stopped himself quickly and looked away from Howard…he mustn’t think that…not here, not now… 

“Vince!” Howard said, “you’re staring out the window again.”

“Hmm?” Vince looked up dazed. 

Howard sighed, “Nevermind- here’s a customer”

The customer was, unbelievably enough, a short bald man who’d come to the shop specifically to buy an elbow patch. Howard easily talked him into buying the survival patch. Howard had a grin a mile wide and Vince couldn’t help but smile too. He thought Howard would never sell one of those things. “See,” Howard said to Vince as he passed the survival patch over to the customer, “I told you there was market for elbow patches.” 

The customer took his purchase and as he left the stop he turned to Vince, “There most certainly is a market for elbow patches. This survival patch is brilliant. Your husband is a very clever man. You should be proud to be his wife.” 

As the customer left the shop Howard was bursting with pride, “Well there now. What do you say to that?” 

Vince felt himself suddenly overcome with anger, “What do I say to that? What’s wrong with these idiots? I’m sick of everyone thinking I’m your wife!” 

Howard just laughed, “Well if you don’t want to be mistaken for a woman you should probably stop dressing like a futuristic prostitute.” 

Vince frowned, “I didn’t say I’m sick being mistaken for a woman I said I’m sick of being mistaken for your wife!”

Howard froze, “Ah- well, yes…I can see how horrible that would be…”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Howard,” Vince sighed, “it’s just you’re my best mate, aren’t you? Don’t you think it is weird that everyone thinks I’m your wife?”

Howard shifted uncomfortably, “Well…it’s just cause you dress like a girl and we’re always together so…”

Vince stared at Howard, “so?”

“Well,” Howard continued, “I guess people just assume…”

Vince raised his eyebrows, “They assume what, Howard?”

“Ah”, Howard stuttered, “they just make their assumptions…they think you are my wife…”

Vince watched Howard become increasingly uncomfortable, his beady eyes shifting this way and that looking for an escape. Somehow it was satisfying to watch Howard become so uncomfortable. Maybe if Howard had all the discomfort Vince could feel ok. Vince could just feel angry, “They think you’re bumming me, Howard.”

Howard instantly flushed and Vince felt a grim satisfaction at Howard’s embarrassment. He also felt himself completely lose control of his temper, “You love it don’t you. You can’t get anyone real so you love everyone thinking you’ve got me. You are pathetic. As if you could get me. As if I’d find you attractive. Why would someone like me love someone like you?”

Howard flinched at Vince’s words and with downcast eyes he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Vince halted in his angry tirade at Howard’s sad and confused expression. He was still burning with fury and emotion but seeing Howard so hurt helped him get some control over it. It wasn’t Howard’s fault. He didn’t want to keep taking it out on him, “You can take care of the shop this afternoon. I need to be alone”.

Vince stormed up the stairs to the flat and went straight into his room. He couldn’t understand why Naboo’s stupid joke was affecting him like it was. He felt like he was caught in a storm of emotion. He sighed. He needed to do something to calm down. He decided to try some new looks. After spending the next twenty mintues leafing through his wardrobe, rediscovering boots that he’d forgotten he’d bought, trying new combinations of clothes, running his hands through his favourite feather boa he was feeling much calmer. He’d had several ideas for new outfits that were genius. 

He decided to re-examine his hair but as he sat down in front of his mirror and picked up his hair straighteners his newly found calm crumbled and he began to weep. Naboo was right…he couldn’t imagine life without his hair straighteners and he couldn’t imagine life without Howard. The very idea of it left him numb. Maybe Naboo was right – maybe this was love? 

Vince felt sick to his stomach. “Why,” he began to murmur to himself through his tears, “Why am I so shaken up by this?” Vince was, after all not an inexperienced virgin like Howard. Vince was comfortable in his own skin, confident in his sexuality, a seducer of women…and men…and even that panda… “Oh god,” Vince muttered, “if it shakes me up this much maybe, maybe there’s something to it.” 

Vince stopped weeping for a moment and looked in the mirror at his own tear-stained face. He was determined to face up to this. He turned the thought over carefully in his mind and tried to imagine Howard standing beside him- tried to imagine them as a couple. Then it clicked. It just clicked. Vince knew instantly that it was what he wanted. He also knew why it shook him up so much- did Mick Jagger fall in love with someone like Howard? Someone who wears sandles and who’s favourite colour is a strong mushroom? Vince began to cry again, “I really am shallow…Howard deserves better anyway…”


	4. Chapter 4

Howard sleep walked through the rest of his day, an empty shell. He felt like someone had drained the sunshine from the world. He did not understand what had just happened with Vince…Of course, Howard’s life was usually bizarre and confusing but lately…well, lately he’d felt like nothing was making any sense. 

He’d been shaken by the truth potion joke last week. The truth was he’d been shaken to his very core. It had brought back the feelings he’d had on the rooftop at his last birthday party, confusing feelings, deep feelings. Howard swallowed hard and tried to distract himself by re-arranging the blu-tack garden in stationary village. His first kiss and he had to admit it was good. But, of course, Howard had to go and spoil the moment by shouting his undying love from the rooftop terrifying Vince and humiliating himself. Fortunately, the fall from the roof had cleared Howard’s head and helped him remember that poor Vince was only trying to avoid Dennis’ sword. Vince was good about it too, the way he feigned some interest in return the moment Howard started talking sense again. That was typical Vince- half kindness, half taking the piss. Howard shook his head and began to re-order his pens rapidly. He wasn’t going to think about that night anymore. 

Then, of course, ever since the truth potion joke Naboo had been acting strange. Well, more strange than usual. Being stared at all day by a shaman didn’t exactly make for a pleasant working environment. 

But now…now he had to deal with an angry Vince…angry…Howard’s mind flashed back to seeing that angry scowl twisting Vince’s features, features that usually held a wide open smile or a cheeky sideways grin. It was horrifying. In all the years he’d known Vince he’d never seen him truly angry. Vince just didn’t take anything seriously enough to get angry. Howard could cope with the truth potion joke, he could cope with Naboo going wrong but he just couldn’t cope with Vince not being Vince. Where was the sunshine kid he knew and loved? 

Howard froze suddenly at his own stray thought and corrected himself- loved as a friend, loved as a best mate. His numbness retreated slightly as he closed up the shop and was replaced by a determination. He was Howard Moon- man of action. He would march right up there and put things right. He didn’t know what he’d done to cause Vince to become so enraged but obviously he’d done something. He would find out what it was and he’d apologize. He would make it right.

Howard raced up the stairs to the flat and strode determinedly to Vince’s door. He knocked forcefully on the door and hearing Vince’s voice call out, “come in” he entered. 

He walked in to find Vince sitting on his bed, facing away from him. “I er,” Howard began, “Look I don’t know what’s going on or why you are so upset but I’m sorry and…”

Vince turned to face Howard as he spoke and Howard’s words caught in his throat. The last few hours that Vince had spent crying had left mascara tainted tear tracks running down his face and his big blue eyes were puffy and red. Howard stumbled on, “Oh, little man, you’ve been crying. What did I do? I’ll fix it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Vince pushed his fringe out of his eyes and sighed, “Oh, Howard. You don’t need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry. For once I’m going to say sorry to you. I’m a bitch to you sometimes, aren’t I?”

Howard didn’t know what he should say to that. Vince could be a bitch sometimes but Howard had accepted that long ago. It was all part of their style. But he didn’t know how to say that so he didn’t say anything at all.

Vince sighed again, “That’s probably a yes. You deserve better than such a shallow mate. You’d be better off without me.”

Howard felt a crushing weight on his heart at the thought of a life without Vince. He struggled to find a way to comfort him, “Without you? There is no without you, little man. You may be a shallow mate who dresses like a futuristic prostitute but you are my shallow mate who dresses like a futuristic prostitute and I don’t want to be without you. We’re ying and yang. C’mon we’ve had some good times haven’t we?”

At this Howard caught the slight twinkle of a smile in Vince’s eye and it spurred him on. He could make Vince forget whatever it was that was dragging him down and make him smile again. This he could do.

“Remember the zoo? Remember the sticklebacks?” Vince smile widened just that little bit more for just a moment and that was all the encouragement that Howard needed to lead them both into the crimp, “stickleback, stickleback, stickleback bourgeious, cresty in the bingo hall running like a china horse…” His heart skipped a beat as Vince joined in. It was working, “mmn p-ta masala, mmn p-ta masala Kentish town, Kentish town yeah, Kentish town, Kentish town no…” By the end of the crimp Vince was smiling slightly. 

Howard moved over to the bed and sat down next to Vince. “Remember the time I had to calm the llama down? Stop him from hoofing everyone? C’mon Vince…calm a llama down, calm a llama deep down in the ocean, blue like a barnacle…”

The crimping continued for the next half hour. After a few more crimps prompted by Howard Vince even piped up with “And remember the pancakes?” leading them into a crimp himself. With every crimp Vince seemed to light up just a little bit more until the sunshine kid was back. Finally, after crimping about bouncing castles they were both freely laughing and Vince’s sadness was long gone.

Vince smiled at Howard, “Thanks”

Howard smiled back, “Anytime, little man”.

Then Vince’s wide open smile turned into his cheeky sideways grin instead, “Howard?” he said his eyes quickly flicking to meet with Howard’s then downwards then back again, “Remember the time we kissed on the rooftop?”

Howard flushed instantly. Vince giggled delighted at Howard’s embarrassment and lead Howard into a spontaneous crimp;  
“The shame, the embarrassment  
Big sword  
Head shamen  
Big sword  
Head shamen  
Escape to the rooftop  
Oo, ah  
Escape to the rooftop  
Kiss kiss kiss kiss  
You say you love me  
I say no, no, no  
I say I love you  
You say no, no, no  
But oh, the rooftop times!”

Vince was thrilled that Howard had joined in. Howard never could resist a crimp. It was a perfect way to lure him in. At the end of the crimp Howard was smiling but also resisting making eye contact. His tiny eyes were darting everywhere but looking at Vince. He cleared his throat and said, “You know, I didn’t think we were ever going to talk about that let alone crimp about it”

Vince laughed, “Why ever not, Howard? They were good times, weren’t they?” 

Howard flushed again and he shifted his body uncomfortably murmuring, “They were good times”

Vince leant in closer to Howard and gently turned Howard’s face towards his so that Howard was giving him eye contact, “You liked the rooftop times, didn’t you Howard?”

Howard flushed a deeper shade of red and said nothing.

Vince laughed, “That’s probably a yes,” and leant in to kiss Howard. 

Vince kissed him softly and gently, remembering that it was only his second kiss. Howard kept very still as if he thought that any action on his part would cause the scene to unravel. Vince pulled back and looked at Howard, “Relax, Howard. It’s just a kiss”

Howard flinched instantly and pulled back as if he’d been stung. Vince regretted his choice of words. He grabbed onto Howard and wouldn’t let go.

“No, no Howard I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean you can relax. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you again.”

Howard stilled again and he somehow gathered up the courage to look back into Vince’s big blue eyes. He relaxed as he could see that Vince was telling the truth. He wasn’t going to hurt him this time. Howard managed to splutter out, “There’s noone here trying to kill you”

Vince laughed, “That’s right. Noone will kill me if I don’t kiss you. And yet…I’m still going to kiss you. Just because I want to. So relax.”

Vince leant forward for their third kiss and this time Howard relaxed into it.


	5. Chapter 5

Bollo hummed to himself as he opened the door and stepped into the flat. It was a good gig tonight. He was glad that Naboo had been a bit distracted lately. It had given him a chance to focus on his DJ gigs and his new focus had paid off. He continued to hum to himself as he stepped into the kitchen and found Vince in a floral robe rifling through the pantry, “Hey, Vincey my man!”

Vince turned around and gave him a big grin, flicking his fringe out of his eyes, “Alright, Bollo”

“Great gig tonight Vincey!”

“Yeah?”

“I can read the crowd, Vince. I knew exactly what the people want and tonight I gave it to them.”

Vince laughed, “You went down like a motherbitch. See the key is you’ve got your look right, haven’t you? You followed my advice. ” 

Bollo nodded, “Yeah I still love the highlights you put in my hair and you were right about needing to accessorize.”

“I’m always right about accessories,” Vince replied turning back to the pantry, “I know we have peanut butter in here somewhere…”

“Middle shelf, behind the soup”

“Oh yeah, cheers, Bollo…you don’t know where the chocolate sauce is do you?” Vince answered grabbing the peanut butter.

“Ah”, Bollo replied, “top shelf I think”

“Oh, genius, cheers again Bollo” 

“You should come see me sometime, Vincey. Maybe join in, pull a few shapes.”

“Yeah, sure thing, Bollo” Vince answered as he closed the pantry door and started digging around in the fridge, “We don’t have any cream, do we?”

“No cream,” Bollo shook his head, “What you want cream for? You make something?”

Vince laughed and ignored Bollo’s question, “Nevermind- I’ve found something better. That’s genius…I always said his moves were like being caressed with natural yogurt…”

“Huh?” Bollo asked confused.

“Nevermind, Bollo”, Vince answered adding a tub of yogurt to the peanut butter and chocolate sauce that was already in his arms.

“That isn’t your dinner?” Bollo asked.

“Nah” Vince replied flushing slightly and giggling, “the meal’s waiting for me in my room. This is just garnish. Catch ya later, hey?” Vince quickly exited the kitchen and darted up the hallway towards his bedroom.

“See ya Vincey!” Bollo called back after him.

“That you back Bollo?” Naboo voice’s voice rang out and Naboo himself soon followed. Naboo was looking happily stoned as usual and a bit distracted still as he had been all week.

“Yeah, gig went great…I read that crowd and gave them what they didn’t even know they wanted. They loved me.”

“Hmm…that’s good, were you just talking to Vince?” Naboo asked.

“Yeah I was telling him about my gig” Bollo replied.

“He stormed upstairs halfway through the day and left Howard to run the shop. Went straight to his room and locked himself in. Normally I’d have matched in there and told him to get back to the shop but I let it go because I was hoping our talk was finally sinking in. How did he seem?”

Bollo shrugged, “He seemed okay. Just came down for some peanut butter, chocolate sauce and cream. We didn’t have any cream so he took yogurt instead”

Naboo looked confused, “peanut butter, chocolate sauce and cream? Took yogurt? That’s…wait? Can you hear that?”

Bollo shook his head, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”

Naboo moved slowly towards the hallway that Vince’s bedroom door came off, “As a shaman my senses are enhanced and I thought I heard…”

“Ohh…”

“a groan…” Naboo finished.

“Is that precious Vince? He sick?” Bollo asked.

“Ohh…yes…yes, sir.”

Naboo grinned, “No, listen… that’s Howard.”

“Ohh…little man…”

Naboo and Bollo’s faces both simultaneously twisted into looks of disgust. “Oh, What are we doing standing around listening to this for?” Naboo said, “I’m glad they’re sorted but I did not need to hear that. Let’s get out of here, Bollo, before we both go wrong.”


	6. Chapter 6

Vince woke the next morning late as usual and found that Howard had already gotten up. Vince grinned as he thought about how typical that was of Howard to think of still getting up and opening the shop after a long night of lovemaking. Though the man of action himself was missing Vince could still feel his body’s imprint on his bed and could still smell him on the pillow. He smiled knowing that he’d had Howard in his bed and spent a few moments just enjoying his smell. He probably could have stayed there all day except he wanted to see Howard himself. 

Vince leapt out of bed with that thought in mind, his heart all a-flutter and was immediately confronted with an enormous question; what is the perfect outfit for the happiest day of your life? At first he faltered at the scale of the question but then the answer came to him all at once. He’d made it several weeks ago in a moment of pure genius and had known it needed to be kept for just the right day. And that day was today. He dug it out of his overflowing wardrobe, picked out some pants and a shirt to match and slipped into the outfit. Stepping in front of his mirror, he ran his hands through the silver fringing, awed at the perfection of it, “Genius…” he muttered to himself, “the mirror-ball poncho…”

Vince decided to wear the red boots that he’d stolen from Jack Frost to complete the outfit for old times sake. For the first time in his life he almost considered not straightening and styling his hair. He was that keen to see Howard. But then the thought of Howard seeing him in return quickly wiped that idea from his mind and he paid even more attention to his hair than usual. 

Vince skipped out of his room his heart thumping at the idea of going down to the shop and spending a day working with Howard. Instead he almost crashed into Naboo who was waiting for him in the lounge room.

“Er, Naboo,” Vince said, “I’ve got to go help Howard in the shop, alright?”

Naboo gazed back enigmatically, “It isn’t over yet, Vince. Just because you’ve slept with him doesn’t mean it is all sorted.”

Vince blushed slightly, “I don’t know what you mean. What is there to sort? We’re in love. I’ve got to go down to the shop and see Howard…I mean help Howard, you know, I work there?”

Naboo sighed, “Howard isn’t in the shop, Vince.”

“What? Then where is he? Organizing a surprise for me I bet.”

“No,” Naboo replied, “Look I’m leaving the shop closed until you can get this sorted. I don’t know where Howard is.”

“Don’t know where? C’mon quick…we’ve got to find him! He could be in trouble!” Vince answered in a panicked voice. 

Naboo shook his head, “I know that he’s safe. You’ve got to listen to me. It’s about Howard…it’s about you and Howard…”

At these words Vince’s eyes stopped darting about looking for Howard and he started focussing on Naboo.

“The thing is, Vince, you’re a gifted child and I don’t just mean the talking to animals thing. I mean things have a way of working out for you- you’re just gifted that way.”

Vince nodded. Naboo was simply telling him the obvious.

“The other thing is, Howard, well he isn’t…”

Vince grinned gesturing with his hands to emphasize everything that Howard is, “No, he’s a maverick, a man of action, a multi-instrumentalist, a jazzy genius…”

“Well, that may be…” Naboo answered with a tone that implied that it may be but it wasn’t “But he’s also not a gifted child. He’s kind of like an anti-gifted child. Have you ever noticed how things just seem to work out for you? And how they never do for Howard?”

Vince nodded, “Yeah I guess…”

“Well, Howard’s going to do something to try to ruin what’s just happened between you two. He won’t be able to understand that something’s actually worked out for him for a change. His system just won’t be able to accept this much happiness.”

“What do I do?” Vince asked.

“You’re a gifted child, Vince. You can change things. But you’ve got to be strong. Your gifted childness has got to be stronger than Howard’s anti-gifted childness. Oh, and there’s another thing. Howard’s anti-gifted childness will have a force on its side. At some point you’ll feel a compulsion for things to return to normal. I think that’s why you two ballbags were able to snog and then return to your friendship without even realising you were in love. When you feel this compulsion for everything to go back to normal, don’t listen. You have to believe 100% that you and Howard should be together.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, remember how we left the zoo?”

Vince shrugged, “Not really…”

“Exactly,” Naboo smiled, “We just left. You have to just assume that you and Howard will be together and convince Howard of it too…”

Vince swallowed hard, “Okay…I think I can do it.”

Naboo nodded, “Alright, Vince well it is up to you. First of all you’ve got to find him.”

Vince shook his head, “No, I think I know where he is.”


	7. Chapter 7

Vince crept up onto the roof and sure enough Howard was there. He was huddled against the chimney sulking just like he had been the night of their first kiss. The thought made Vince shiver slightly, “What are you doing up here, Howard?” he asked sitting down beside him. Howard didn’t answer he just flinched as if Vince’s voice had hurt him. 

“Howard?” Vince asked, touching his arm.

“Don’t touch me!” Howard responded.

“What?” Vince asked, touching him again.

“Don’t touch me, don’t look at me, but most of all don’t touch me. Ever again.” Howard said.

“That wasn’t what you were saying last night” Vince countered grinning.

“Forget about last night”

Vince’s cheeky grin slid from his face in an instant. He felt like he’d just been stabbed in the guts. His first instinct told him to lash out back at Howard and get out of here. The stupid northern berk… Then he thought that maybe this had all been a mistake. He felt a sudden longing to return to the simple friendship that they’d had, to once again bury his love for Howard deep inside. But finally, he remembered what Naboo had said. This was it. This was Howard trying to ruin everything. This feeling was just the compulsion to return to normal that Naboo had mentioned. But he was a gifted child. He could stop Howard from ruining their love. He could change this. Vince took a deep breath and turned away from the voices telling him to return to normal, “I’m not going to forget about it Howard and I’m not going to let you forget either.”

Howard snorted, “Oh I bet you’re not. I bet you’ve been laughing about it with Naboo and Bollo already. You’ve gone too far this time, little man”

“Laughing about what with Naboo and Bollo? Howard, please start making sense.”

“Laughing at me!” Howard shouted his face twisted in fury and pain.

Suddenly it clicked in Vince’s mind, “Wait- you think I seduced you for a joke?”

Howard flinched at the pain of his fear being spoken out loud.

“You think I’m laughing at you for sleeping with me… Oh Howard…you berk…” and suddenly Vince was laughing…

Howard turned away from Vince and muttered, “You’re laughing right now”

“Howard,” Vince spluttered out amongst his laughter “I…you just…you make me laugh”.

Howard looked furious, “Don’t be laughing at me now!”

Vince managed to swallow his giggles, “It wasn’t a joke, you berk. You really think I’d lick your balls for a joke? I mean, that’s not even funny”

Howard shifted uncomfortably, “What was it then?”

Vince grinned, “I’m in love with you, Howard, always have been I think.”

Howard frowned, “I don’t believe you.”

“Oh, Howard- it’s me- Vince. Would I lie to you?”

Howard stared Vince down.

Vince laughed, “Ok, fair enough I guess I have lied to you before…But I wouldn’t lie about something like this. I’m not lying now. I’m really in love with you and I think you love me too. I think we could be happy.”

“I really can’t take another joke like this, little man. You are going too far this time,” Howard sighed and looked away from Vince, staring out to the skyline instead.

“Look, come down from the rooftop and I’ll prove it”

Howard continued to stare at the skyline and ignored Vince’s request.

“Howard? Howard? Howard! Howard? Howard!” Vince kept repeating Howard’s name in every possible intonation until finally Howard turned back to Vince.

“Alright let’s just get the rest of the prank over with. How are you going to prove that you’re not lying anyway?”

Vince grinned and started climbing back into the flat, “Don’t worry about that. I’ve got the perfect solution. It’s genius.”

Howard followed as Vince strode ahead into the lounge room calling out, “Naboo? Naboo? We need your assistance…”

They found Naboo in the lounge room with Bollo getting high. “What do you want?” Naboo asked then he saw Howard behind Vince, “Oh you found him? How are things working out?”

“Ah…still in process. You know that truth potion that you gave me? We need some more of it. Oh,” Vince continued turning to Howard, “I was still under the truth potion when I told you I loved you. Naboo explained it to me.”

Howard looked questioningly at Naboo.

“Yeah. At first I thought he was joking but he was still affected by the potion”

Howard’s tiny eyes darted from Naboo to Vince, “You mean you were…I…I…you’d better not be lying still…”

Naboo said, “Ah, you want to take more truth potion to convince him to believe you.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Vince replied, “You got any?” 

Naboo went into his bedroom and returned with a bottle of bubbly pink potion, “Here you go Vince. It’ll only last for a minute this time so Howard have your questions ready.”

Vince grinned at Howard, “I won’t remember this, Howard. You’d better ask me if I love you, you berk.” And with that he downed the potion.

Naboo and Bollo gazed at Howard who was a picture of nervous terror. He looked like a man who couldn’t decide if this very moment was the best or the worst of his life. “Howard!” Naboo called out to him, “It is active now. Ask your question you ballbag.”

Howard licked his lips and cleared his throat, “I..ah…do, do you love me Vince?”

“Yes”

“I don’t mean as a best mate I mean are you in love with me?”

“Yes”

Howard began to weep. As the tears trickled down his face he managed to splutter out, “Why?”

“Why ever not? We’re ying and yang. We’re the perfect couple. We balance each other out. We make one whole person, together. You are a maverick. My very own man of action. That, and you’re well sexy. I’ve always loved you I think. That’s what this has been about all along.”

Howard’s weeping escalated and he collapsed onto the ground in tears, “Oh, Vince, oh little man…”

Vince giggled slightly and shook his head as if trying to clear it, “Howard, what’s wrong? Did you ask the question?”

Howard nodded.

“And?”

Howard took a deep breath and wiped away his tears, “And I love you too.”

Vince ran to Howard and gathered him up in his arms. Soon they were kissing fiercely. 

“Oh, guys- if you are going to kiss like that go to your bedroom. We don’t need to see it.” Naboo said.

Howard smiled, “Good idea,” and scooped Vince up into his arms. The man of action then took a giggling Vince to his bedroom as fast as he could. Naboo and Bollo soon heard Howard’s bedroom door slam and the faint sounds of groaning begin.

Bollo turned to Naboo, “They are really in love?”

“Yes I expect they are,” Naboo answered.

“I didn’t think we had any truth potion left.”

Naboo grinned, “We don’t. Fortunately changing the appearance of a liquid and causing a bit of befuddlement and slight memory loss in someone like Vince is very simple magic, Bollo.”

“So Vincey didn’t just convince Howard that he loved him by taking a truth potion?”

“Not really- that was just lucazade.”


End file.
